Last Saturday was the first time in a long time that I did not receive a text message or call from my Papa about the Clemson vs Carolina football game. He was a true Gamecock fan for some reason and I, on the other hand, was born and raised a Clemson fan. He used to always text me or call me when Clemson lost or even when they won. Even when Clemson would lose, I loved reading his simple text “how about them Tigers?” His rival comments were always so calm but came with a purpose. When he would call or leave a message, he always started out with “Kayla, this is your grandpa calling…” Or when I was living at home with an old school answering machine, we would quote him before he spoke “Roger, this is your dad…” He just had a voice and demeanor that everyone knew. We had an ongoing family football division but it was always fun and games. To be honest, I never really cared that much for football, but I did love the rivalry, grilling out, and just the fun of it all. It was a way for my papa and me to connect even when we were too busy to get together. When I married a Georgia fan, it got interesting, but that was just one more rivalry to add to the table. I’m sure papa would have gotten a kick out of the game this year. (Sorry Dustin, but you know it’s true)
During the summer, we would spend our days at the lake with papa and grandma and whichever cousins or other family members or friends would show up. We would fish or just go for boat rides every weekend, sit at the falls or just swim around. In the evening we would grill out and everyone was invited. I never remember asking them if we could come over, we just did. We all did. My Papa loved people and he loved to be with his family and friends. I remember waking up early on summer Saturday mornings to the smell of coffee and bacon, my dad’s specialty. Whether we sat on our porch overlooking the calm water or walked over to grandma and papa’s place, we were at home. Though his cabin was torn down last summer for future developments, those memories can never be taken away. I dreamed of the day I would be able to walk my boys down to the same dock that my papa and dad built themselves. I wanted to see my boys sit down under the tin roof shed and listen to the rain as it passed over on a hot summer day. I imagined my papa and grandma sitting on the dock, probably with a line in the water, just watching the boys jump in the water a hundred times. What would it be like if he was still here? Would I even have made the time to enjoy those moments?
I live less than 5 minutes from my grandparents’ house, but for some reason, as an adult, I would always find myself too busy to drop by and spend time with them. As a child, I spent every summer weekend with them and a lot of my other family members as well, but as an adult, life just got busy. From long summers to only holidays and text messages, our relationship died down but our families kept growing. When our campground started to dissipate as investors tried (and are still trying) to take it over for land development, my papa basically let go of his place. It was too much for him to handle and just not the same without a dock and a place for his boat. We had to remove docks, clear land, and in one day, the investors bulldozed the home that sheltered my childhood summers. I can still smell the fruity pebbles on busy mornings and the sparklers on July 4th. The campfire was always going and the American flag hung on each of our decks. There are too many memories to count, but so many memories I feel like I missed out on with him and my children just because I didn’t make time for them.
My papa didn’t text me during the game Saturday because his life on earth ended a few months ago. The week before my first year teaching Released Time at Pickens Middle School, I was sitting on a boat in Edisto with a few good friends and their kids, my mother in law, and my husband and boys. My phone had been ringing for a while but I never heard it since it was in my bag under my seat. As the sun was setting and I was enjoying the view, my husband handed me his phone to show me a text from my sister that said “tell Kayla to call me now.” In my gut, I knew something was wrong. As I picked up the phone and called her back, my heart sank. All she could say was, “papa died.” She couldn’t explain it, she didn’t know how, and she was just in shock and hurting. I just wanted to be there with my family but I couldn’t. I was hours away in the ocean, a place my papa always loved. As tears flowed down my cheek, I looked out at the sunset and just prayed for strength and peace that only God could provide.
The weekend before we left for Edisto, we visited my papa and he was healthy, happy, and ready to get his surgery over with. He was scheduled for a simple surgery on his kidneys and was supposed to be out of the hospital in less than a week. He told me that he loved me and he would see me soon as we walked out the door. I knew he would be just fine. I was wrong. The day of his surgery, my dad called to tell me everything was great and the doctors didn’t have any concerns. Every day, every call, my dad said the same thing, he’s doing great. The night before my papa passed, he was cracking jokes with my dad and smiling. He didn’t look like anything was wrong with him. For some reason, the next day, he passed away suddenly after cardiac arrest. His heart just wasn’t as strong as it needed to be. We don’t have all the answers, nor will I ever understand why this happened, but what I do know is that my papa is in a much better place. Whatever his body could not handle on this earth is no longer a hindrance to him in heaven. He is free and his death was simply a part of God’s purpose for his life. The next morning, I woke up early with my boys, and took a walk on the beach, one of his favorite things to do, and just remembered him for who he was and felt his presence as if he were walking beside me. I know that he is gone but he will always be remembered.
As I look back, before my teenage years, I remember every detail of the little things that my papa did to make me feel special. I remember his calm demeanor, his “well Dean” (my grandma’s name) comments when things didn’t go just as planned, and his love for his family no matter what happened. I remember summers that I never wanted to end and walks on the beach in silence, just enjoying God’s creation. I wish I had more moments like that, but I don’t have that chance anymore.
Today, I want you to take a deep breath and think about someone you’ve disconnected from in the last year. Who do you only speak to on holidays or special occasions? How would you feel if that person was no longer around for you to see?
There was a silence on Saturday, though even from a text, that reminded me of the relationship I had with my papa. It wasn’t long in depth conversations about life, but it was life and living it together. On Sunday mornings, as we sat on his screened in porch at the lake, he would pick up his bible and head out to church. No matter how pretty the sun was or how less crowded the lake would be, he made a point to go to church every Sunday. His lifestyle left an imprint on all those around him. Make an impact on others and pass on a legacy of respect and honor for those that have served the Lord before you. Spend time, make time, and be present with those in your presence. Put down your phones and just live. No matter how many pictures you have on your phone they will never be able to compare to the memories, the sights, the sounds, the smells of the moments and the people that meant most to you.
I pray that my children will always respect their grandparents and never get so wrapped up in their own lives that they forget about those around them. I’m sure I’m not the only one that regrets not spending enough time with someone that loved so much, so don’t let that next regret be yours.
Some of his military buddies might beg to differ, but he was a man with a gentle spirit that calmed the room in any chaos. He was a man of God that loved his family and will always be missed. He was my papa.
I miss you pops! And by the way, “Go Tigers!”
“Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
May God bless you and show you His Grace every day!
Kayla Rampey